13th Oct 2008

Today started quite bad.. Woke up at 10.30am, have the intention to go jogging, but right after I put on my sneakers, it started to rain, haiz.. So with my sneakers still on, I did the workouts at the living room instead. I did invisible skipping, invisible threadmil, half push ups, half sit ups, and some weight lifting.

While I was cooling down standing, I read last night chinese paper. Came across this article about this lady now age of 30 whom at 1 time take like 20 slimming pills a day to lose weight, too extreme.. She was chubby since young, at the age of 12 she started to diet excessively.. the weight went up n down.. out of balance.. then at the age of 23 she discovered that she had a hole in her intestine mainly due to the pills she is popping non stop.. too scary.. She did all this cos of her 11yrs long bf whom she met when she was working part time during vacation.. The guy is tall and handsome, an airline steward.. which makes her very inferior and insecure.. so whenever he went on long haul.. she will secretly go into extreme dieting.. though the guy did not mind her being fat at all nor did he request her to go to lose those fat..the love has conquered all..He love who she is..Now she lives a normal healthy diet..And they are getting marry next year..

After I read, I felt their love is so sweet and great.. It reminds me of my own.. Why it couldnt end this way too.. Why he couldnt treat me the same way too.. Tears just flowed down again.. My mum was there.. Frowning, she asked me y did I cry again.. Guilty.. I told her my eyes pain and quickly went for a shower..

In the afternoon, I met up with Bestie WY & D for movie at cineleisure. We have planned to watch Mama Mia!! last week. The show is 3pm and I reached just on the dot.. oops.. when we reached 9th floor and checked in, then we realised that the tix is for House Bunny.. That ticket guy's fault.. so we head back down 5th floor to change and by the time we reached 6th floor the show started le.. haiz miss abit beginning.. overall the show is good..like musical..



However.. there is this song in the movie hit me to the bones.. at that moment I want to just grab the person beside me.. I fight to hold back tears..This is the song..The Winner Takes It All by ABBA.. ABBA member Bjorn Ulvaeus wrote this after separating from wife and fellow band member, Agnetha. It's about a divorce where one person doesn't want to separate and clings desperately to the marriage.

This song speaks true to what I felt now..Read the lyrics..It speaks my heart..

Love is really like a game.. Either there is a winner or a loser.. The winner will takes it all.. But Iam thinking why love isnt a fair game?? It will only be fair when 2 are happily together.. When things get ugly n rough.. Then some1 will be the winner n the other will be the loser..

I hated the fact that Iam the loser.. I have played all my cards and more.. In what way did he deserved to win?? Maybe is bcos I have always let him had the upperhand in the game.. He has the control of the game.. Too kind to him..Too trusting to him.. My naive mistake..

Love can be a cruel game, do you dare to play?

The Winner Takes It All

I don't wanna talk
About things we've gone through
Though it's hurting me
Now it's history
I've played all my cards
And that's what you've done too
Nothing more to say
No more ace to play

The winner takes it all
The loser's standing small
Beside the victory
That's her destiny

I was in your arms
Thinking I belonged there
I figured it made sense
Building me a fence
Building me a home
Thinking I'd be strong there
But I was a fool
Playing by the rules

The gods may throw a dice
Their minds as cold as ice
And someone way down here
Loses someone dear
The winner takes it all
The loser has to fall
It's simple and it's plain
Why should I complain

But tell me does she kiss
Like I used to kiss you
Does it feel the same
When she calls your name
Somewhere deep inside
You must know I miss you
But what can I say
Rules must be obeyed

The judges will decide
The likes of me abide
Spectators of the show
Always staying low
The game is on again
A lover or a friend
A big thing or a small
The winner takes it all

I don't wanna talk
cause it makes me feel sad
And I understand
You've come to shake my hand
I apologize
If it makes you feel bad
Seeing me so tense
No self-confidence
But you see
The winner takes it all
The winner takes it all



After the movie, we went to PS Cafe Cartel for dinner.. The ribs belong to Bestie WY and the others are chef salad =) After dinner, we hang around PS and went home at 10 plus..

Today, I do feel quite messed up at night..now..the emptiness that create the urge to reach out to run to..