I have been through a major crisis in life recently - My relationship of 8 years has ended at end of September. My brand new life begins 1st of October - A life without him [Mr D]. I thought is time I start blogging again, to keep a record of my life, so that the future me can look back at the past, to excess if I have indeed have matured and become a much better person.

My relationship has ended just like any other would. Mr D has made a mistake any men in the world would - Cheated, Betrayal, 3rd party. The moment he bare his heart to me that he fall in love with another woman, I knew it was over. The hardest thing that I couldnt accept was, how can he just give up the 8 yrs relationship for a 34( 9 years older) woman whom he knew only for 2 months?

The reasons(excuses) from Mr D
1) Iam too fat; She is slim
2) Iam too tall; She is shorter
3) Iam not pretty; She is pretty
4) I dont have telepathy w him; She does
( I think is almost impossible for anybody in this world to read people's mind, but I thought if you dont know something about this person, isnt it right that you take the effort to inquire?)
5) I do not have chemistry w him; She does
( I really dont know what chemistry means, all I know is that it is like sparks when 2 person reacts? And I thought is just the very first moment when 2 person meet and being attracted. So 8 yrs ago I should have too, right?)
6) I do not understand him; She does
( Maybe I dont understand him 100%, but I learned them through the 8 years we share together. Mr D said if I love him I will know what he wants even he didnt say out, but if it is not share, how would I know? Guess?)
7) Iam stubborn; She's not
8) I dont always just say "Yes" to him; She does
( Mr D meant I should just trust whatever he said n do, and I need to do is just say "Yes" without any comments, opinions n objections)

So how it ended?
One fine Sat towards end of Sept, we went out dating n towards the end he confessed that he fall in love with another woman. That instant moment, my instinct told me is his boss whom he was working for nearly 2 months during his temp vacation job. Cause he has been mentioning her quite frequent. I cried my heart out and couldnt accept the fact. He told me he has been going out with her, hold her hands, kiss her, send flirty sms with her and all these while still being with me. He told me he couldnt keep in the dark anymore and have to tell me. Later, I realised that woman has a 3 yrs bf, and she still can do all these behind his back too.[ Bravo for them both ] 1 day I went to confront her, I wanted to know if she just want a fling or seriously want to be with Mr D [Y do I care so much?] All she told me was she likes Mr D and want to spend more time with him, and she need 2-3 months to break up with her current beau. Thank god she did not cos if not I will think her mind is malfunctioning to need that a long time to choose over 2 men. After a week or so, she broke up with her beau and be with Mr D. But the reason she tell her ex beau was their mismatch and can longer be together, she did not mention Mr D at all, cos she said she dont want to hurt his ex beau. I dont understand this, i thought after all a realationship should be honest and truthful whether it works out or not. Hence, out of all this 4 persons involvement, I am the only 1 who have to get over that my r/s is ruined cos of a 3rd party and this poor guy whom till now not know a thing. [ He is lucky not to know]

This the darkest time of my life, I think I have put in alot into this relationship. I have even put in hopes and future in this relationship, I really thought we will be married in 2-3 years time and be happy ever after with a family together. But all these just evaporated into thin air overnight, my heart shattered into million pieces and bleeds. I couldnt sleep[ I have even developed fear for night], couldnt eat, couldnt stop crying days after days. It was so bad that I feel like Iam dying slowly wishing who can hold out a hand to save me. Some days I need to get drunk so that I can sleep for more than 2 hrs daily. I keep thinking over and over again, why did this happened... why our 8 yrs relationship was so weak and shallow... after spending such a long time together.. suddenly I am no longer important to him, no longer loved by him, no longer the significant one... suddenly I am all alone, a life without him.. the lost.. the emptiness.. the betrayal..

I tried everything I can to save this r/s, hoping he realized it was a mistake and come back to me. This is the love I had for him, that I will forgive him if he still love me. I know this is silly, but this is what I will do. For him, I can give it all. Still, Iam no longer matters to him...

Mr D said this is what he truly wants, he wont care whether the new r/s will work out, he doesnt regret what he did, he wont care about anything as long as being with that woman.

What about me? Did he care about how I feel? What I went through? No... he didnt... all is about what he wants..what he feels..what he needs..

Yes, we had a lot of happy memories together, we went through thin and thick, up and downs, he had treat me dearly, showered me with love, care and concern...lots lots.. 8 yrs were long.. we grew up together..[ Will he remembered?] I thought I will be by his side... watch him become a better man when he step into the working society...This is no longer possible...

I think I have done enough for him for us.. If it still did not get to his heart.. nothing more can be done.. I have tried my best.. I have given it all... I have love..

From this.. I have learned that life is cruel..life isnt fair.. not everything will go as planned.. there is no happily ever after.. there is no forever..

However, I have also learned that I should be blessed that this happened now when Iam still young and not when Iam married or with any children.. when I still have time to try to love again.. when I still have time to amend and shape my future.. I should be blessed that Iam luckier than others who suffered worst than me..

Thank you to all my besties whom stood by me, giving me support, listening to my sorrows, giving me tissues. I love you guys, without you all, I dont know how am I going to go through this alone...

I hope time will heal my wounds.. wash away the pain.. makes me a stronger independent person.. makes me a more mature better person..