25th Oct 2008I woke up around 11 plus.. Did my morning work outs slowly while watching MTV.. By the time I finished was 12 plus.. Start preparing brunch, cook scrumble eggs and finsh the last batch of chicken fillets.. Wanted to wake my bro up for lunch, by he woke up himself while I cooking half way.. He didnt mind eating the same stuff again.. I thought he didnt mind cos he only eat, no need to cook or wash, bleh...
After all the washing and cleaning, I spent the afternoon watching TV and anime. Time flies, my mum came back at 5pm. Dunno what to eat for dinner, we decided to get pizza hut for dinner. 2 for 19.90, not a bad deal. I know I cant eat Carbo, but I thought give it a rest day, Iam going to make it up tomolo. Nowadays, I will count what I put in my mouth. It has become a habit. If a day I eat more than I should, then I will make it up for the next few days.
At night, I cant help but my mind wonders again. I keep thinking of what Mr D said b4, he said that if next time in future if he ever to break up with his current gf, he might not tell me about it. Iam wondering, Why not? Not even as being ya friend? He said is because he think that if I know about the break-up I will try to get back with him. And his gf think this way too.
I really laugh out loud, almost choke on my vodka. My mum think I went crazy again. Haha who do they think they are? Seems like they think Iam a still a love-sick fool or idiot. Actually, all my close friends and besties have also asked me, "Seriously, will you?", "If he comes back to you, you will want to get back too right?", "You are still waiting for him, arent you?". Is mainly, because what I have done in the past that friends and besties knows that "Cos you are laiman"...
In the past, Iam always the 1st 1 who will put down, give in and run to him whenever we fight till on verge of breaking. Call him to apologise n try to solve problem, but he delibrately not picking up or switch off his phone.. Waiting outside his house at 6am to apologise and try to talk to him again.. Again and again..
Back to the I-will-try-to-get-back-with-him thing. Mr D and his gf think this way, maybe cos b4 when things are over, they saw me doing lots of stuff to try to get him back. My Love for him was once pure, sincere and strong, that is the reason I keep doing my best, trying and trying till the end. But in the end, he chose to left me and give up on our r/s.
The moment he give up on me, it's over. I still have my pride and love myself. No doubt, there are still some feelings for him now. But afterall the hurt he gave me, turn my life upside down, how can I want to get back to him? I will be doing myself injustice. The moment he severe the ties, nothing is left of us. He gave up on me, why should I still chase after him?
If anything happens, if he still have feelings for me, isnt he should be the 1 trying to get back to me? So my point is. Dont be stupid, I will stand my ground and wont move a step towards him. I have done enough, if there is anything, is his turn to work. Even if there is any feeling left in me, I wont move s step. Whats mine will be mine. If there is still love from him to me, he will comes to me. If not, then I will just wait for the right one to come to me. I will not chase after him again..
The him I loved the most is the him 8 yrs ago. When he is kind, caring, innocent, selfless..When Iam his world, everything and him to me.. If he can change back to this him, he will be worthy again..
Ok enough of my grumbling.. The vodka works some how..
