♥ My Beautiful Life

♥ Sunday, November 30, 2008

My Beautiful Life ♥

A letter to myself 30/11/08

I was inspired by someone to write a letter to myself.. I think is a good way to express what I feel inside and what I want to tell myself.. Here it goes..

To my dearest self,

You have been doing quite well for now, dont give up, Ganbatte. Remembered you are loved by your family and friends. Count your blessings, not everybody has the same blessings as you. Each day, so many around the world are living in a worse condition than you, so many do not have the love that you have, so many didnt even have the privilege to live. Treasured what you have in the past, what you have now, and what you will have in the future.

I know you are hurt, very hurt. I know you didnt expect it to happen. I know you didnt expect the person you loved the most will turn around to hurt you. I know the hurt is indescribable, feels like thousand of swords pierce through you and your heart is squeezing so hard that it makes you breathless. I know you have cried alot, mourned alot and grieved alot, especially when you are alone and those sleepless nights are haunting you.

I have come to tell you to stop, to see the facts. If a person truly loves and treasures you, he will not leave and hurt you, nothing will come between you and him, no temptations will lure him from you. Both of you can go through thick and thin, endless obstacles. Caused you are his world.

So now, you can see that he is not the one, if he is, he wouldnt have hurt you.

Take this as a lesson, an opportunity to mature. There are all kinds of people in the world, not everyone is as nice as you think. People can be selfish. The only ones who wouldnt hurt you are surely your family and dearest friends. You have seen the cruel part of reality. Happily ever after only happens in fairytale, things will last only if both work hard. Love will have a expiry date, if both are not serious and strong enough to walk through eternity.

Destiny is in your hand. How you want to lead your life is determine by yourself. Happiness and sadness can be controlled by you. A negative thought can always be modified to a happy thought. Thats why they always say optimistic people tend to live longer. You are still young, so live and enjoy your remaining youth. There are so many more things you can do and for others. Dont worry, you wont be alone.

Smile and laugh more like you used to, cause that will makes you happier and people can feel your happiness, in turn makes them smile too. Remember how someone has mentioned before that when you smile happily, you have those sparks in your eyes? I think you looks better when you are smiling.

Be strong..no matter how many times you have been hurt, how many times you have cried, how many times you have fell.. remember to stand up and move on.. I know you are a strong girl. I think you are more of a weed than a rose. Remember how you used to take care of the household when you are young, when your father was overseas working, your brother and mother depends on you? Remember how guyish you were when you were young? You cut your hair short, cos you dont want to appear soft, as you think long hair means you are girly and weak.. Remember how daring you were, when you try to did everything a guy can do? Be it jumping into a creek, abseiling down rocky hill, street soccer etc.. you went all out.. weak wasnt in your mind that time.. Remember how you once told him that you will take it lightly if ever something happen to the relationship? Cos you said.. if it is not meant to be, no use continuing, if it is yours, it always be yours.. Do you remembered all these? You wasnt a flower kept in the greenhouse from the start.. You wasnt the princess that will wait for the prince to come and safe you.. You never will be..

Dont feel sad that he didnt truly see you and treasure you after all these years. The problem is with him. I think you are a gem that is still covered with dust, awaiting someday, someone will found you and you will become the precious gem..

Love yourself before others can love you. Have confidence in yourself and you will glow, people will then be attracted to you. One day, you can also become the beautiful butterfly..

♥ My World My Life

8:53 PM

♥ Monday, November 24, 2008

My Beautiful Life ♥

24 to 30th Nov 2008

This is my last Sat brunch at work, didnt have time to upload. I expected it to be big, but it really disappoint me. It looks like 120% of a Mos Burger. =.=

I cut my finger by a fresh from the oven A3 paper, was trying to take 1 pc from a stack. When I take out. It slide through my finger, slicing it deeply. I was watching as it slice my finger. Blood immediately ooze out. It was so painful, my tears came out. Haiz, I think is too deep that it might leave a scar.

My fav comforting snack for the moment. Macha milk candy. Its really AAAA. Loving it each day.

Thursday

I went out for a dinner and chat session with Bestie A. She just came back from Bangkok. Asked her help me buy a naraya bag =)Iam in love with the big ribbon design. She has reassured with me if I really want that big a bag. I said ya, I think Iam suited to carry big bag, I big size mah lol..

We went Cedele for dinner.. Errr both of us ordered the wrong stuff.. Her mushroom risotto has a sour taste even though they state is just oyster sauce.. My garlic grill fish pasta turns out to have a green type of sauce.. I have no idea what it is.. It taste weird.. I just swept it away.. After dinner, we hang around to chat until 11pm.. Though next day I still have to work.. I have enjoyed my evening.. Bestie A is right about I should have something to look forward to, so that I can pass my days better.. Indeed.. I did look forward to our meeting =)

Her mushroom risotto, looks nice though

See the green sauce, yucks, faint

The pretty Naraya Bag =)

Saturday

Really looking forward for today, going to meet gonna meet Bestie S for a cycling session. But at first, I left work at 2pm to rush for a sale, a branded cosmetics and perfume sale. Total damaged $144. By the time I left the sale is like 4.30 then I went to meet Bestie S at GWC 1st cos she needs to get s swimsuit for her lesson. Spend quite some time there before we head to East Coast. We took bus there.. Long journey.. Reach there like 8pm.. Too hungry we went for dinner at the Hong Kong cafe.. By the time we went cycling is 9.30pm.. Feel so cheated when we rent our bikes.. The person say can only cycle 1 hr.. Cos they close at 10.30pm..Nevertheless, we enjoy ourselves. I think Iam in love with night cycling.. At night so breezy and the whole road just a few people.. Feels really good.. Next time I might considered overnight cycling =) After cycling we went to buy orange juice.. So nice.. We left at 11 plus took 16 back.. But forgotten that it will pass by indoor stadium, and there was the lee guitars concert.. swamps of people at the bus stop..suddenly the whole 16 was sardine packed I thought it will going to break down..next moment Iam scared I wont have anymore transport back cos I need to change bus.. I drop at orchard, lucky the last 65 is at 12.30.. I told Bestie S, nevermind if no bus, I can just walked all the way back.. But lucky there is still last bus.. I didnt want to spend the unnecessary cab fare.. Hee tiring day, but fun =)

French Toast with Fresh Banana

Fresh Orange Juice

Portuguese style baked beef rice

Porkchop with black pepper & garlic sauce

Iam a perfume freak lol.. I need to smell nice nice.. Iam really happy with the morgan set. I grabbed the last box, cost $22 only 60ml with sparkling body lotion. The other 2 cost $20 each.. I like my perfume with a sweet smell..

Iam a cosmetics freak too lol.. My cosmetics can last me 2 life times at least lol.. Even I dont use often, I like to keep them. Sometimes I like to take them out just to admire their pretty packaging and colors.. Is a Sale anyway, if you ask me to buy at regular price, I wont.. I gotten a Givenchy prisme quad blush refill(sad no casing), 3 lippies haha yes too hard to resist.. Paul & Joe face color(the packaging lovely).. Both brands I have never use b4, but is Sale so dont mind trying..satisfied =)

Sunday

Wanted to head to Bestie D house for a swim and piano lesson. But is raining heavily in the afternoon. So I stayed home, read my comics, online did some work on my blogshop , watch anime and blog lol.. In the afternoon, my mum cooked hong kong style fry crabs, yummy, but i nearly cut my fingers and lips, the shell too hard...
For dinner, my mum cooked as well, she only cooked once a week.

But something bad happen, over dinner my Dad was complaining about the porkchop too hard, is my mum 1st time cooking, then i causally just commented it looks tough, then my Dad just happily start his lecturing on my mum, asked her next time picked some other parts, not nice to eat etc.. But my Dad lecturing as always is pain to the ears and heart.. They then started quarreling loudly, my mum said next time she wont cook anymore ask my dad cook himself, then my dad replied that he will be happy to do that.. Is really sad, things turn out this way.. should be happy dinner..my mum nearly turn to tears.. I kept quiet throughout, guilty that I shouldnt just causally said it looks tough without knowing my dad has been complaining cos I was last to come and sit for dinner.. My brother couldnt take it anymore then asked my Dad to shut up and eat his dinner, if he so mighty, go cook his own dinner.. Obviously my dad was shocked cos my brother dare not to speak up b4.. My dad then asked him if he intend to talk this way. My brother replied him yes and that he meant what he said.. Why things turn out this way? Maybe cos my dad's like to nag n make comments and the way he put out the words dont sound nice..Haiz why things become so awkward.. I dont feel like staying at the house for now..

♥ My World My Life

11:06 PM

♥

My Beautiful Life ♥

18th-23rd Nov 2008

Busy Week.. Rough Week.. Had a break down..

Was so blue that I met up with Bestie QM on Sat night after work for a D & S session at boat quay.. I need that escapde that release.. Was at The Craven.. Ordered a pint of Hoegarden and a basket of baffalo wings.. Didnt have anything since 10am, work till 4pm. Went to Kino to grab some comics and magazines..

Really paisey to ask her out to hear me talk.. Met Bestie's fren TF, cos they both came from the same way.. He told Bestie that I lost weight and seems like depression.. Yea it makes me happy to know that I really looks like I have lost weight.. After I spend time with Bestie, he even offer to come all the way and drive us back.. Really nice of him.. And really nice of Bestie to meet me too..

Sunday..

Some unhappy things happen in the morning.. but afternonn I picked myself up and head to Bestie D house for a swim and piano lesson.. So happy to see her again, I have miss her!! >.< Yea she is my piano teacher now lol.. I did C major today.. She played for me Parchabel Canon D.. So nice.. I want to learn too.. At least I hope I can managed since is C major.. Wanted to swim actually but it rain like cats and dogs.. I wanna to retan myself.. I scare everyday stay at office, my healthy tan will fades away.. Return home at night for my dearest mum's dinner.. Before I leave, I gave Bestie D a big hug.. I really feel comfort and peaceful.. Thanks gal..

Some thoughts...

I have to stop crying.. I want to be stronger.. I dont want to be a wimp.. I can live better if only I can get over this.. I want to be happier (Bestie QM said I dont truely smile or laugh anymore, I used to be so lively).. I want to love myself and have more confidence.. (Bestie said if I have confidence I will glow and ppl will start attracted to me lol) I want to live cos not many ppl have the chance to live in this world even if they want to.. I want to do many more things for myself and for others.. My life will be meaningful.. I no longer live for him only..

♥ My World My Life

10:26 PM

♥ Monday, November 17, 2008

My Beautiful Life ♥

17th Nov 2008

Came to work to realised that my filipino co-worker's mother pass away and she is still here at work. We all knew she has been crying, her eyes were so red.. who wouldnt? But I find it so coincident, cos 2 days ago, my another china co-worker's mother was in critical condition and she left on urgent leave to go back hometown to visit her. And I knew today that her mother pass away on Sunday. My heart went out to her, she is younger than me, yet she is so much stronger and braver than me. On Friday, she is still smiling and working and handover her work to us before she left on Saturday. She is just so strong and brave.. Same goes to my this filipino co-worker, she still comes to work as usual.. If it is me, I think I will break down.. Is your dearest mother.. I couldnt comprehend the lost.. I knew I wont make it if it is me.. I knew I wont able to be strong and brave.. Before my china co-worker left, I gave her big hug.. I dont know what to say to her.. I dont want to say anything that will sadden her. I gave her a big hug to show her my support.. As for this filipino co-worker, she is much older and a quiet lady.. I dont know what to say to her either.. I just behave as usual.. Give her my smiles..

I have lost my dearest great-grandmother, grandfather and my sec fren.

My great-grandmother is very dear to me, she raised me up, she buys me pretty dresses, she buys me my favourite big sweet oranges, share the same bed as me.. Till now, I still remembered the room will smell like peppermint cos of the ointment she applied.. I remember how tightly she hugged me and cried whenever I got to come back to sg after my vacation at hk.. Me and her share an infinity.. We have a bond so strong.. Till now after so many years, when I visit her grave.. Just by looking at the photo.. The tears just flow.. All these, she didnt shared any blood relationship with me.. she was the second wife of my great-grandfather.. my paternal grandfather was from the first wife.. Strangely, we will ever so closed..

My grandfather passed away a few years back.. I wasnt close to him.. I think our relationship will be better if Iam a guy.. He was a traditional man.. Prefers sons than daugthers.. So he never really care about me.. Strangely.. when I visit him for the last time in hospital.. I couldnt help but cry when he looks at me in a very sick manner.. I just cry and I ran out of the room caused I dont want him to think too much about leaving us..

My sec fren is a nice guy who definitely do not deserved such fate.. He was so young, so many thing waiting for him to do.. Fate.. I hope he is at somewhere better now.. I believe a good guy will have a good outcome.. God is fair..

♥ My World My Life

11:21 PM

♥

My Beautiful Life ♥

16th Nov 2008

Was so tired after the whole week.. I slept till noon then wake up for brunch.. My legs still abit tired from yesterday blading.. Have my brunch.. Automatically on my laptop to chat with frens on msn.. Watch my fav anime.. Just feel like slacking and doing nothing.. No motivation for anything.. Didnt even do my mask, body scrub, paint my nails all those beauty stuff lol..

Was chatting with Bestie A, we make a deal that by end of year 2008, we must be happier than now.. do or achieve something that will make ourselves happy.. cos I told her I really have a tough time adapting single life.. I just feel so lost.. I was asking her what should I do to get rid of this belonging feeling inside my heart? Maybe I was so used and loyal in the r/s, my heart can only fit 1, that I never really want to know other guys.. Even now, I feel that I can only manage a smile, a hi and bye to guys.. OMG how am I going to make new guy friends? Bestie A said that my condition is quite serious.. she suggest that I treat guys like gals then can make new guy friends.. Iam so pathetic..

Then Bestie A said wo pa pa of this cruel world.. I told her yea the world is cruel.. it never teaches you that there is no ever after.. you have to be selfish to survive.. hard work do not necessary yield good rewards.. love has expiry date.. the only 3 things you can ever trust are parents, god and money.. Haha I sound like a sadist but is true.. If only love can buy insurance?

I think and realise alot these days.. I can only be 23 once in a life time.. I can only have my youth once in a life time.. Why dont I enjoy and make the best out of it? Why do I mind so much of being not comparable to a 34 yr old woman? Why do I mind not being old n mature enough? Bestie A told me to just behave like a 23, what can others expect? She said at each diff stage, one will have diff exudes.. Like at 23, one will exudes in innocence whilst at 34 one will exudes sensibility.. so true.. I shouldnt pretend anymore.. I shouldnt pretend that I dont like cute things anymore.. I shouldnt pretend that I dont like to dress in jap style anymore.. I shouldnt pretend that I prefer black coffee than ice mocha.. I shouldnt pretend that Iam happy when Iam not.. I have to be true to myself..

Iam proud to be a xiao mei mei still in some way..Hee hee Iam still a jie jie not auntie.. Iam gonna club as much as possible.. if not I will feel too old when Iam 30 plus..

15th Nov 2008

Sian Sat still have to work.. Work till 2 plus then went for a quick lunch before meeting Bestie QM for roller blading.. Haha lucky Iam not caught dozing off in front of the monitor during work.. Little did I know that I can get to East Coast within 15mins via taxi.. Cos all the way chiong expressway..

Once we reached.. I have to scout around to rent the blades.. I havent offcially buy my own skates, wait till I get my pay.. Yoohoo.. This rental shop is on a slope, so after I wore my blades.. I dont know how to get down cos I dont know how to stop yet.. I can only go forward lol.. Lucky there is a bike in front so i went to grab it.. Iam so pathetic he let me hold on it longer till I get my balance lol.. Bestie Qm and I then slowly skate along the park and chating leisurely.. Haha she was telling me she can intro me some nice eligible bachelors.. Well I said maybe later hee.. We are spying around see got any handsome guys haha but we saw alot of cute dogs n kids.. Its really crowded at east coast park on Sat.. We around for 2 hrs.. When I took off my skates after that.. My feet is cramp..

After skating.. We went to the Hong Kong Cafe eat.. Bestie Qm orderd pork chop rice and I ordered XO carrot cake n french toast to share with her. The XO carrot cake really nice.. After we eat.. we head to the catch catch nearby.. heehee saw the bear that Bestie QM like.. I try 2 bucks and caught it for her haha feel so proud of myself.. My "school fees" last time pays off.. Nothing to do.. we decide to head to Suntec to shop Bestie QM yoga pants for her Body Combat class.. We went La Senza to buy instead.. cos we saw a quite comfortable pants.. we saw alot of sexy bras.. we keeping joking say if we buy then for who to see? Then I say I will wear to club haha.. Like I see this bra that has lace on the edges of the cup.. I think I can wear with a low neck line and jus show the lace rim.. Haha then we are saying we both like bras that have padding.. Bestie QM say if there is padding, wont zhao geng.. But I say I want padding cos I want the push up effect mah lol.. Enough of bras lol..

We then head to popular fiesta at the convention to take a look.. nothing much to buy.. I got 2 self test books.. Quite fun.. Its cheap.. $1.90 each.. After that we head home.. Too tired.. On my way home.. I slept through the whole bus journey.. I miss a stop!!! Throughout the ride.. the guy beside me must be seeing me knocking side to side, front to back.. Iam really darn tired and sleep through..

Some photos...

This is the XO carrot cake

This the cute lazy bear I caught heehee

The 2 self test books

14th Nov 2008

Today after work, went to meet up with my tikam frens at Vivo City as usual.. Heehee Fren G and her hubby just came back from HK holiday.. so eager to see them.. hope can see some photos and hear their stories.. We will at Mac Dang Dang for dinner and stay there crap lol.. I think we are the loudest there.. We also discussed what to bring for our christmas chalet.. Who to bring what..End up they didnt tell what to bring..

We left at 11 plus and I walked home.. I think walking back at night is still bearable..

Actually, if you asked me if I look forward to christmas.. Yes I will, though Iam not a christian, but I like this season for giving.. I like to buy presents for others and received too.. I know this year is going to be very different.. on 25th everywhere will be couples.. I got think of hiding at home.. Spare myself the agony.. I will think of why arent I spending this special day with XXX? Will I be lonely? Maybe..

Fren G's HK pressie

♥ My World My Life

10:19 PM

♥ Wednesday, November 12, 2008

My Beautiful Life ♥

12th Nov 2008

Work like never ending.. so many stuffs to do yet so little time to complete.. stress stress stress.. end at 8pm again.. went down to vivo to meet the "7 Jie Mei" at mussel guys.. the cab detour so long that I feel like vomiting when I get down, maybe cos my stomach is empty, or I am so horrible at carsick..

They order the 1-for-1 mussels cos citibank promo.. but I dont really like it, find it abit fishy.. order a main course to share with Bestie WY cos dont feel like eating.. Maybe I am too tired.. didnt talk much.. we stayed like 10 plus then went home.. Bestie G n her bf drive us back cos raining.. it was quite funny that we are searching everywhere for the car..vivo carpark is too big..

Is still nice to meet-up with them.. like so long never have a gathering.. think all of us are busy with work other stuff.. now we are chatting about work life whereby last time we only chat about secondary school life.. seeing them.. makes me wanna go back to secondary school life.. it was so fun.. feel so old..

Will look forward to the next gathering =)

♥ My World My Life

11:07 PM

♥ Tuesday, November 11, 2008

My Beautiful Life ♥

11th Nov 2008

As usual is busy at work.. The whole day I have running nose.. I used up 2-3 packs of tissues.. And my left eye become so red n uncomfortable that I told them I going to leave office at 7pm.. I cant take it anymore.. Tomolo onwards will wear spec.. Dont know whats wrong with my eye.. Hope nothing bad happen..

Today on the cab home.. I told the driver I want to go by KPE.. so that I can take a look at the flyer again.. Although the route is longer.. but I get to see the flyer very closely.. Does it change color? Today is blue.. I want to take a photo..

Maybe that used to be a special day is coming.. it makes me more bluey..

I was going through my frens blog.. came across fren k's blog.. her baby boy grow up so fast and looks more and more like the father.. so many of his cute photos. I also want to take a wink picture with him too haha.. feel happy for my fren k's happy blissful family.. it spikes me to want to get marry young too if possible..

♥ My World My Life

8:59 PM

♥ Monday, November 10, 2008

My Beautiful Life ♥

10th Nov 2008

Mon blues man.. I off work at 8pm again!! Just the beginning of the week and there is so many things to do.. never ending.. I was so hungry n tired when I reach home around 9pm.. I rushed through my dinner.. In the end I feel so sick after eating.. I went to vomit.. vomit out the dinner..

Suddenly I feel so down.. I keep feeling the emptiness n loneliness.. Keep thinking why he isnt here when I need him.. Why am I all alone.. I keep thinking y am I torturing myself by working so hard.. Though there is no obligation for me to stay till so late.. I stay bcos I thought by working.. I will free myself from thinking the hurtful things.. I can numb myself by working the ass out..

Really like the new song from Jay..

说好的幸福呢-周杰伦

你的回话凌乱着在这个时刻
我想起喷泉旁的白鸽甜蜜散落了
情绪莫名的拉扯我还爱你呢
而你断断续续唱着歌假作没事了
时间过了走了爱情面临选择
你冷了倦了我哭了
离开时的不快乐你用卡片手写着
有些爱只给到这真的痛了

怎么了你累了说好的幸福呢
我懂了不说了爱淡了梦远了
开心与不开心一一细数着你再不舍
那些爱过的感觉都太深刻我都还记得
你不等了说好的幸福呢
我错了泪干了放手了后悔了
只是回忆的音乐盒还旋转着要怎么停呢

你的回话凌乱着在这个时刻
我想起喷泉旁的白鸽甜蜜散落了
情绪莫名的拉扯我还爱你呢
而你断断续续唱着歌假作没事了
时间过了走了爱情面临选择
你冷了倦了我哭了
离开时的不快乐你用卡片手写着
有些爱只给到这真的痛了

怎么了你累了说好的幸福呢
我懂了不说了爱淡了梦远了
开心与不开心一一细数着你再不舍
那些爱过的感觉都太深刻我都还记得
你不等了说好的幸福呢
我错了泪干了放手了后悔了
只是回忆的音乐盒还旋转着要怎么停呢

怎么了你累了说好的幸福呢
我懂了不说了爱淡了梦远了
我都还记得
你不等了说好的幸福呢
我错了泪干了放手了后悔了
只是回忆的音乐盒还旋转着要怎么停呢

♥ My World My Life

11:03 PM

♥ Sunday, November 9, 2008

My Beautiful Life ♥

9th Nov 2008

Whole day is relaxing at home.. continue watch my anime nodame cantabile and msn-ing with frens.. feel abit restless.. but the day just went pass so quickly.. I am sort of sad that so fast will have to work again..

Actually from now on.. except working i dunno what should I do over the weekends.. I still got this emptiness in me.. like aimlessly living.. I have talk to Bestie D ask her if sat or sun can teach me piano.. It will be great if possible..

Found this song.. really meaningful to what I feel inside.. click my imeem..

郭静-知道

她让你憔悴许多
她让你不知所措
她的一举一动你不停的对我说
我微笑倾听你说
我却越听越心痛
怎么你说的不是我
她比我多了什么
让你愿意耐心等候
我想知道她让你痴心是什么
我想知道她让你疯狂为什么
我知道做的和她没有不同
但是我却不在你的心中逗留

我想知道她哪里比我好很多
在你心中她和我有什么不同
我知道我比她付出的还多
可是我总换不了你的心动

你让我憔悴很多
你让我不知所措
你一举一动我的心被牵着走
她不经意的走过
你就把我给冷落
嫉妒把我给吞没
她比我多了什么
让你愿意耐心等候

我想知道她让你痴心是什么
我想知道她让你疯狂为什么
我知道做的和她没有不同
但是我却不在你的心中逗留

我想知道她哪里比我好很多
在你心中她和我有什么不同
我知道我比她付出的还多
可是我总换不了你的心动

我知道了她哪里比我好更多
在你心中我永远不可能会让你心动
我知道我比她付出的还多
可是我在你心中没有她多

8th Nov 2008

Gosh I thought I only need to work till 12pm.. in the end is 2pm.. so hungry n tired.. left around 2 plus.. slowly make our way toa payoh central eat lunch.. after lunch we went looking for a birthday cake.. cos is my younger bro birthday today.. he is gonna stay at home whole day.. so I think y not I buy a small cake home since only 3 of us will be home(my dad went hk for holiday).. in search for cake.. end up I bought a fruit flan instead cos Iam not sure if they want a creamy cake.. I dont feel like eating 1 either.. then Iam thinking should I cook some stuff for dinner? but Iam too tired so I throw that thought away.. anyway I went NTUC bought a big box of meji biscuits for breakfast in office.. I dont want bread.. feel bread will make me fatter lol..

With many stuff on hands.. took a cab home reach home around 4 plus.. put everything back in place.. and head to bed.. Iam really darn tired.. I told my bro to think of dinner, if he want to eat out, eat in, delievery or anything before i totally knockout.. I woke up at 7pm ask them about dinner.. in the end cos i feel abit sick.. my mum decided to cook bee hoon soup for dinner n eat the fruit flan.. I woke up with burning sore throat, fever n running nose.. feel bad for my bro.. thought can bring them out dinner.. I ask him wat he wants for present.. he say he wants a new Ipod cos his screen abit spoilt.. I told him wait bah haha.. I haven got mine how to buy yours? Iam thinking wait I got my paycheck then buy him something next month..

At night, my bro's fren bought a cake for him.. lucky I didnt buy cake.. but we too full to eat anyway.. keep for tomolo.. after dinner i sit and watch tv.. last episode for the "it started with a kiss" taiwan show.. and I cry.. I wonder when I meet my Mr right too..

Some of the stuff he said on tv.. "I like you.. I like all of you.. Your good side.. Your bad side.. Your ugly side.. Your pretty side.. Your sad side.. Your happy side..", "When will I ever find some1 nice and good like you? Will I ever find some1 nice and good like you?", "You complete my life.. You fill up the things I dont have.."

I cry and feel very tired cos of my medication.. wanted to lay down awhile to rest.. but I knock out again..

Some birthday cakes pic

I bought this fruit flan.. My bro keep saying dont bother ask him blow candles.. bleh..

Side view.. Nice right? Forgot to say is handmade..

From my bro's fren.. Dont know what is inside.. but looks nice too right?

♥ My World My Life

1:20 PM

♥

My Beautiful Life ♥

7th Nov 2008

As usual hectic work.. The work I am doing is so strenuous to my eyes.. Have to be extra careful in keying in the doc.. double check n double check.. So scare I miss out something.. Everyday cant wait to get out for lunch haha.. Today went mos burger.. the other 2 gals in the office say want to eat the terriyaki chicken burger cos is 20% bigger.. as I eat, 1 of them notice my necklace and ask me if it has special sentimental meaning.. haha is actually a gift for my 23rd birthday from Bestie I.. finally I want to wear it.. cant bear to wear last time cos too pretty haha.. when she asked, I thought she sure think is a gift from bf.. so I told her "No la I dont have a bf.. next time got cute guys intro me wor..haha", even though I say this like nothing n with a big smile.. my heart feels abit sour..

This is the pretty necklace Iam talking about, sparkling purple crystals(1 of my fav color).. the design is like a small ring.. Iam wearing it almost everyday now..

Today is also the company's offcial opening at the new site.. Got a speech from the ang moh director.. maybe is a US MNC afterall.. so the director also seems to be a nice light hearted guy.. he said after the speech we can go home and have a long weekend.. I thought he is joking, so did the rest of us.. cos is only 3pm.. we got a nice crystal paper stand as souvenir.. will upload the photo next time.. too heavy to bring home.. in the end my boss said we can really go home at 4pm.. but I still have alot on hands to finish.. if not they will chase my ass on mon.. by the time I finished is like 4.30pm.. better than nothing.. feels so happy.. like a release lol..

Going to meet Bestie D later at PS for dinner.. So delighted to see her again.. Miss her!! She reach earlier than us cos she want to shop for her pyjamas for a pyjamas party next week.. Got is from La Senza.. They have pretty stuff there.. After that we went tcc for dinner cos I have the discount card.. My order of chicken n mushroom sandwich sucks I gave up eating half way.. for dessert I order the cheese thing with ice cream.. the cheese is sweet but I share with them so less sinful lol..

Bestie D went through a short break up and patch back.. She is willing to go for 2nd time.. She told me that they are better than b4 after the clear up and big talk.. a second phase of their r/s.. so happy for her.. I will be happy for her as long as she is in happiness.. She is being treasured.. Nothing beats that feeling..

After dinner, we 3 gals go careefour shop with a cart.. Bestie D is so high.. She went around happily like a small gal looking at things.. I ask her why she so high.. She said is like 3 of us living together then come out shop groceries then go back to our home together..LOL how nice!! But Bestie WY said.. she work see me in the morning then if night also see me everyday.. she said gonna vomit.. LOL bad gal!!!

We went off around 11pm.. so tired.. Bestie WY and me slept in the bus on our way home.. no wonder we can claim our cab fare after work at night.. if we sleep in the cab.. at least the cab uncle will wake us up to pay $.. if on the bus, gone case!! I will end up dont know where!!

Ahhh tomolo Sat still got work!!!

This is our "souvenir" from our 1st week work..

I hate paper cuts.. darn painful.. I rather it bleed alot and less painful.. I have more cuts on my hands didnt bother put plasters.. just that this is a fresh wound today

Some foodie pictures..

My sucky chicken n mushroom sandwich

Bestie WY chicken n mushroom patty sandwich, so much nicer than mine..grrrr..

Bestie D chicken n mushroom baked pasta, I should have order this..grrrr..

My cheese sticks ice cream.. sweet!!

Big family pic.. nice!!

♥ My World My Life

12:15 PM

♥ Thursday, November 6, 2008

My Beautiful Life ♥

Dont ever hurt me again

Ppl say once bitten, twice shy.. I followed my heart again without thinking through my head.. I think Iam stupid when it comes to love and relationships.. I never learnt.. too blinded by emotions..

He called me on sunday night to tell me he broke up with that woman.. cos I told him to do so previously... but I didnt think it happen so fast.. it was too late to talk I told him to meet him the next day.. I thought I can hear him talk and comfort him.. I knew he couldnt take it that easily.. I was so eager to meet him I forgotten and missed my last episode of TV..

He told me that tt womman said there is a gap b/w them, which is hurting their r/s.. the gap refers to him still having some feelings left for me.. but she should understand that we have been together for 8 years.. 8 bloody years.. would any1 can just forget and let go so fast? If Iam in 1-3 years r/s I think I will able to just let go more easily..C'mon man.. she and him have only being together like 1 and half months.. just bcos she dont feel good about it.. she initiate the break up to him.. said something like she cant go on with that.. He has done so much for her.. yet this is what she did to hurt him.. She should have more patience with him if she truely wants to be with him.. Cos He really does want to be with her.. I knew that perfectly.. From here, I can sense that she is a selfish person too..

Iam also quite angry with wat she said.. she told him that his 100% to her is not better than his 99% to me.. How can she said that? He give up everything to be with her.. gave up a steady 8 yrs r/s.. nearly gave up his studies.. treat her so much nicer.. gave her his trust.. gave her freedom.. gave her respect.. I HAVE NONE... I DIDNT HAVE ANY OF THESE..

When he talk to me.. He said he has a thought n some feeling to be together again.. He gave me a small hope.. I knew I shouldnt have taken it.. But my heart just went on its own again.. Half of me wants to believe it.. Half of me knew he didnt want to break up with her.. So I told him to go home and think more about it..

But the next day, he told me he wanted to be with her.. cos tt woman ask him to patch back.. she said she is sorry for what she said and wants a second chance.. she said she will change her san xin liang yi.. I told him to think again.. but he said he make up his mind to be with her.. Is just 1 day, did he really think? or all along he didnt want to leave her? then y did he give me that small hope? y did he said he feels abit happy when he break up? y did he said he got think for us to be together again?

I literally breaks down and falls apart.. Second time.. second time go through this rejection and hurt again.. like Bestie D said "You let him stab u again the 2nd time".. this is really very painful.. much more than the 1st time.. I cry until my head hurts.. like my fren said "let it just bleed".. Then I realised, I feel really tired of everything.. really tired of this 3 persons thing.. really tired of loving him.. really tired of caring for him.. really tired of thinking about him.. really tired of loving some1 who wont return the love.. really tried of my life.. I feel so tired inside me that I dont feel a thing anymore.. is really empty this time.. no more feelings for anything.. my heart is numb and empty..

Iam too stupid to believe him again.. I shouldnt believe him.. In the end, he still didnt know what is treasure.. to treasure me.. he only treat me as some1 comfortable to be with.. some1 he can go back to if anything goes wrong..

This 2nd painful ordeal really push me to the extreme.. Im really tired of all these.. I totally give up on him.. I dont want to have anything to do with him anymore.. Iam tired.. Is enough already.. I give up..

I think they belong well together.. both are selfish and think for themselves only.. no wonder they understand each other so well.. Bestie D say only selfish ppl wont get hurt in a r/s.. how true.. I know I can never be the selfish 1.. cos I will put and think for the other 1st..

"Dont ever come close to my heart again.. I have nothing left in my heart to react..Dont ever hurt me again.. I have nothing left for you to hurt.."

♥ My World My Life

10:28 PM

♥

My Beautiful Life ♥

5th Nov 2008

Haha this job is really not that easy.. surrounded by papers.. then especially those freshly printed papers.. didnt realised I have more n more cuts on my hands.. my hands not nice to begin with, now more ugly lol..

Have economical rice at Kopitiam.. Should have ask the person less rice.. Cos I only end up eat the veg, meat n a few spoon of rice lol (I dont take carbo now for dieting).. Bestie WY say the curry is nice.. but Iam not a fan of curry cant comment.. Just after lunch, heavy rain.. didnt bring umbrella.. end up getting wet.. so disgusting wet jeans..

I stay for OT till 7pm then take a cab home.. Chat with Bestie D for 2 hrs then till 10 plus..

6th Nov 2008

I kind of hate numbers and alphabets now.. Whole day looking at the computer and papers.. end up my left eye also red.. now eye drop is my best friend haha.. stress.. surrounded by papers.. And I think i need to have black coffee in the morning.. if not cant last till night..

Lunch eat the economical rice again.. this time i tell the uncle i want less rice, so i got less than half what I had yesterday.. but i still end up leaving half of the rice left.. Bestie WY says next time tell the uncle u want 3 spoonful of rice enough.. lol

Though tired, I still stay do OT till 8pm.. I hope I will get paid for OT lol.. I want to stay OT.. work my ass out.. so I wont think too much again.. too tired to even think when I get home.. I dont want to think and feel the hurt..

My mum say I lose some weight.. ask me to remember stay healthy dont over do it.. of cos I will, I still need to work!!

♥ My World My Life

9:57 PM

♥ Tuesday, November 4, 2008

My Beautiful Life ♥

3rd Nov 2008

1st day of work!! The HR orientation quite boring but informative.. After that went to my department.. It is so busy.. Even the head didnt have time to brief me.. I end up helping them do photocopying, scaning, filling, distributing.. whole day standing wearing my heels.. torture.. Lunch time finding food is pretty easy.. but cos of my diet, must always think of what to eat.. Iam pretty sad that there isnt any young handsome engineers around.. Haiz.. Huan Xiang Bo Mie.. 80% of them are from India.. But they are quite gentleman.. let me get in lift 1st, get out 1st, open door for me to let me into office 1st =) I end my day at 6pm.. my legs cant take it any longer.. I have trouble walking to the MRT.. Quite tired when I get home, went to bed early.. From now on have to wake at 6am..

4th Nov 2008

The day didnt start quite right hmm.. was on my way to work.. at the mrt station, I was sitting at the bench reading Today.. out of sudden when I look up, my eyes just happen to meet a cool looking type office guy.. but he stare at me when he walk past me... imagine head turn sideway staring at u while walking straight?.. weird.. I didnt mean to look at him, I just happen to meet his eyes when I look up..

The department is busy as usual.. I did learn some stuff today.. learn about how things flow..then busy doing those manual stuff cos I haven got the access to PC yet.. but something strike me when my head ask me if I want to come back on Sat to work for 6 hrs, she said no obligations if I got things on.. but now Iam single, no longer have to make time for the significant other.. so I said "Why not? I dont have dates anyway" in a big smile way.. but inside I dont really feel good... then in my mind thinking how nice if iam still attached.. somebody to share my tired day.. care about my paper cut,staples dent hands.. or pick me up after work to have dinner together b4 sending me back.. how nice.. but reality is the opp of dreams.. thinking of it makes me feel more miserable n lonely so I stayed till 8pm.. took a cab home.. the cab went pass the Singapore Flyer along the expressway.. looks really nice up close.. I want to have a ride too..

♥ My World My Life

10:46 PM

♥ Sunday, November 2, 2008

My Beautiful Life ♥

2nd Nov 2008

Woke up 10am.. Sleep early previous night too.. Dont want be too lazy.. so went for a run around my house by the road.. I dont really like to run now maybe old already no stamina.. but used to run alot back in Sec days.. marathon, 2.4km all those stuff.. thats y maybe it helps to shape my legs.. haha i think my thighs not bad le.. at least my whole body consider tone up not like those tofu type lol..

Had my lunch.. then rest awhile watch anime online.. I started on a new one.. called Nodame Cantabile.. Is about music, Classical music.. Grand Piano, Violin.. Not bad if you have some interest in instruments.. The animation is not that fantastic.. still there is substance..

It makes me want to pick up piano again.. piano has quite a "special" meaning to me.. when I was young I gave up piano cos I already has a hectic schedule for school and tuition.. hardly got time to play.. so I gave up piano.. but I still like it just lazy to go through those notes.. I remembered I will urge my cousin or any 1 who knows to play a song for me, then I will memorised the notes they hit and I will just copy exactly the same way they play.. funny right.. slowly as I grow up the piano seems forgotten but still sits at my living room.. So I might want to pick it up again.. I know Iam too old for it, fingers too rigid.. even my mum says so..

In the afternoon, I went NTUC at BM with my mum and bro.. to pick up groceries.. as usual our hands are full.. then we head to the hawker center to have dessert before going home.. bean curd and tang yuan.. not bad but too blunt for me..

Come back home.. msn-ing with frens.. as the night comes I get scared and excited about tomolo.. 1st day of work tomolo.. hope I dun screw up lol.. To prepared, I packed my bag, iron my clothes, pick my heels.. still Kowaii(scary in Jap)..

♥ My World My Life

9:36 PM

♥ Saturday, November 1, 2008

My Beautiful Life ♥

31st Oct 2008

Happy Halloween!! So sad no party to go!! Bestie B actually tried to make plans to go those clubs party.. But in the end called off, cos too rushed to plan.. Sad.. Then Bestie D told me if have she also cant go cos she is sick, flu, sore throat so cant possibly drink.. Sad.. I thought I can see angels, devils, vampires, witches, wizards

So I spent my afternoon updating my week long blog.. I tend to write alot right? I love to write, maybe bcos I love to read.. and so I took Literature when Iam in upper Sec.. I think words written are really powerful.. It can put the meaning across so well without talking.. Just like paintings and pictures..as a picture speaks a thousand words..

I watched the 7pm show 大城情事 at channel 8, kinda hook on it.. Sometimes will cry watching it.. though I wasnt married.. but I thought mine was just as closed to married couples - 8 yrs.. 2nd last episode.. Shan Shan knew about Yuhan giving birth to the baby boy and knew Jia Kang has been going to hospital to visit Yuhan and the baby boy.. Shan Shan decide to leave Jia Kang so that the baby boy can have a complete family to grow up.. While Yuhan decide to bring the baby boy back to Sarawak.. Jia Kang pleaded Yuhan to stay.. But Yuhan rejected.. saying that she cant bring herself to do that after all that happened.. She told Jia Kang is all his fault.. that all that happened is becos of his wishy washy way with relationship.. he might be successful in work.. but a total failure in r/s.. He was the one who met and choose Shan Shan.. now Shan Shan has left.. He expect Yuhan to come back and just live as it is.. Yuhan told him off that after all happened he can just get away without any punishments? She still left Jia Kang with the baby boy to Sarawak..

That is so true!! Its all his fault at the 1st place.. He hurt both of them.. He is the 1 who went astray in the marriage.. yet he expect the wife to come back like nothing happen.. throughout the whole affair marriage thing.. he didnt lose a thing.. If is me.. I wont go back too.. is too easy on him.. Then my dad is watching too.. he suggested take both as wives.. some men does that.. My mum & me glared at him together, my mum told him off saying you are the man, of cos happy to have 2 wives, you think living in ancient times.. no woman in her right mind will want to share a man.. some ppl do.. but definitely not me.. either I have all of him or zero..

But I knew they gonna be a happy family in the end.. Jia Kang will definitely do his best to convince Yuhan to come back.. Cant wait the last episode on next mon!!

Iam in love with the 4 main songs in the OST, so do some research and found them.. So nice.. But I couldnt find the lyrics for 罗豪- 催眠術.. Can click my Imeem to hear them..

歌手：罗豪
曲名：终于了解
終于了解

在你離開的那一天
我抽了第一根香煙
看這圓圈飛上天
模糊之間我依然看得見

我們曾經有過歡樂的畫面
還有貼在房間裏的照片
我想這次分開讓我獲益不淺
我終于了解

我愛你不只在刹那之間
你的好我現在才發現
才知道是不可以欠缺

我愛你在一句算了吧就完結
承諾已不再是永遠
我的心像是破碎的鏡片

是我的不直覺讓我對你忽略
我真的很想和你走到終點

我愛你不只在刹那之間
你的好我現在才發現
才知道是不可以欠缺

我愛你在一句算了吧就完結
承諾已不再是永遠
我的心像是破碎的鏡片

回不到從前
沒有了知覺

歌手钟晓玉歌曲<<回到原点>>

走在繁华的城市里
错综复杂的关系偶尔会让你心窍鬼迷
谁能真正互诉真心
谁又不曾为了名利感情而着迷

倘若我们能回到最初的原点
或许这份感情就能永恒不变
倘若我们能回到最初的原点
或许彼此之间不会有句点

倘若我们能回到最初的原点
或许这份感情就能永恒不变
倘若我们能回到最初的原点
或许彼此之间不会有句点

演唱：钟晓玉
歌名：卸妆
专辑：Be Myself

你送的唇膏搁一边
颜色再美也很凄绝
一种冷落的明艳
转过了头我依然看得见
那个我们努力妆扮的昨天
如今只剩下扮过的诺言
我想爱情的脸已经变得疲倦
再难以情牵
在改变
只不过苦苦喘咽
爱多美我们都曾体验
但那后要接受残缺
在改变
只不过算了吧就完结
感情也可以像烟圈
多缠绵不过刹那都迷烟
所有的抱歉不过对我欺骗
期间你深陷已不能再解决
回不到从前
没有了直觉

或许彼此之间不会有期限

1st Nov 2008

Woke up around 11am.. Couldnt sleep anymore.. I spent Halloween sleeping.. Think slept too early.. When 4am the wind started to blow hard.. I woke up.. Tossing and Turning.. Couldnt get back to sleep.. I dream that I was back together with him, hanging out with our mutual frens.. one of them still asked why his hand is on my shoulder.. Iam blur by all that is happening and I woke up.. I didnt feel good at all.. Keep wondering y do I have that dream.. Is kind of a sad dream isn't?

Clear my head abit and went online.. Msn-ing with Bestie B.. She told me her fren said yest Power House St James is so pack that, they need Q 45min to get the bags from locker.. wow lucky we didnt went.. Bestie B going shopping later with her collg since they got their paychecks.. So nice.. Besite QM going Lee Hom concert with Bestie I n her hubby n Mr A.. So cool.. Me? Iam home blogging lo...

I have survived 1 month.. living without him..

Crop and make this from an anime.. I think is a cute way to express the hurt I had.. Imagine the sound of "Chomp!" ear being bitten.. and "Ahhh!" cry out of pain..

This is a song Bestie D recommended me.. Though is short.. but is nice..

No Matter- Angel

Doesn't matter whom you are with
Doesn't matter where you are going
Don't you know I'm still waiting here for you
And pray for you

In the sunny days, sun will light your day
In the windy days, wind will lead your way
I have to say, you're my treasure moments
Never gonna walk away

In the rainy days, rains will share my tears
In the stormy days, storms will steal my pain
Just go your way and leave things all behind
Spread your wings and fly away

I'm pretending you're mine
I'm wishing you'll be fine
The moments we share never die
You've made a difference to my life
And let me realize
The feeling I've got deep inside

♥ My World My Life

4:38 PM