31-Aug-09Today is such a bad day.. Ever since I came in to the office, Iam very down.. Dunno why.. Today is last day of August, Monday Blues and Emo..
This Monday is so blue and emo that I feel like crying.. Especially after reading this "I'll be always beside you until very end, wiping all you tears aways, being your best friend, I'll smile when you smile, and feel all the pain you ...do, & if you cry a single tear, I promise I'll will cry too", this is Bestie D dedicated for me..
My heart is so heavy, no matter how I blast my headphone, it doesnt lift it up.. Feeling breatheless and as though Iam drowning..
And the Bestie QM comfort me -
"I wld love to b ur mirror, shining back at u wif a world of possibilities. I wld love to b ur witness, who sees u at ur worst & best, & loves u anyway. I wld love to 4ever b ur partner in crime, ur midnite companion, someone who knows when u r smiling, even in e dark..I m always here for u, dear!"
"When it hurts to look back, and you're scared to look ahead, you can look beside you and your best friend will be there. Hugz..."
Iam not sure what makes me so emo.. maybe I dreaded September to come, cause it means it is almost a year ever since that.. Iam so scare I have not done enough.. not done enough.. This 1 year I work so hard.. I swear to myself that I want my revenge.. I wont lose.. yet I feel scared.. I feel confused.. Why am I still alone then..
I want that extra warmth in life.. sometimes yearn for it when Iam alone.. friends around me are attached or married.. that makes me feel more out of place.. feel more alone.. where is the love? I couldnt seem to find it, feel it and understand it.. it seems deep inside, I still feel my heart is locked.. I thought I have move forward.. but I dont know why I still feel is not enough..
Where am I now? Who am I now? What am I doing now?
